Finding Freedom: From a Florida Farm to a New Life in New York

I was born in Jacksonville, Florida, in 1944, in a household where religious beliefs were more abundant than food. My grandfather was among the last enslaved people in the South, and my mother was a Reverend. Our home overflowed with Bibles, and sometimes, my mother prioritized buying religious books over food. As the eldest child, I often took it upon myself to ensure my younger siblings had enough to eat.

Despite being surrounded by religion, I never connected with it. Much like my sexual orientation, my detachment from religion felt innate. I didn’t appreciate others imposing their beliefs on me, and reflecting back, I don’t think my religious upbringing affected my journey to self-acceptance.

Inspirational Women

Growing up, I admired strong women who stood their ground. I enjoyed movies like Annie Oakley, featuring women who resisted male dominance. When I discovered the "Dick Van Dyke Show," I was captivated by Mary Tyler Moore. She represented the modern, independent woman I aspired to be, living her life on her own terms in New York City.

Unlike Mary, I grew up on a hog farm, involved in the daily hard labor that came with it. Yet, I dreamed of a different life, a life where I could be my true self. I was determined to leave Florida and find my path.

A Defining Moment

My best friend’s sister, who lived down the street, was openly gay. Her confidence and elegance inspired me. One day, while talking on my stoop, she unexpectedly kissed me. Initially shocked, I asked her to leave, fearing the demonization my mother promised would come with associating with "those people." However, after some reflection, I realized nothing about me had changed, and I went back to kiss her. This was a pivotal moment; I may not have fully understood what being gay meant, but I knew it felt right.

The Journey to Self-Discovery

At 19, I decided to leave Florida. I had saved money for years, hiding it in a Maxwell House coffee can, preparing for the day I would leave my birthplace to discover the real me. With about $600 saved, I asked my mother to take me to the train station, and surprisingly, she agreed. With my belongings packed in a yellow canary steamer trunk, I embarked on my journey to New York City, ready to live like Mary Tyler Moore.

Arriving in New York City in July 1963 was exhilarating. The city's vibrant energy matched my desire for self-discovery. It was here that I accepted my identity as a gay woman. Embracing my truth, I knew New York was the place where I could be myself.

Building a Life

I wanted my mother to see that I was thriving, so I invited her to New York. During her visit, she mentioned wanting a grandchild. I candidly told her that I preferred women. Although initially shocked, she eventually accepted my sexuality because I supported her financially, helping ensure she was comfortable.

In New York, I began working on Wall Street as a clerk. My natural intuition and appetite for learning propelled me forward, leading to a position at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. I was able to sustain myself and live independently, eventually becoming the first in my family to attend college.

New Opportunities in Retirement

After 30 years at the Federal Reserve, I retired in 2000. Retirement did not signify the end of new beginnings. I joined SAGE, an advocacy and services group for LGBTQ+ elders, and found a new family at their Brooklyn center. SAGE offers opportunities for continued growth and happiness, reminiscent of the joy I felt upon first arriving in New York City.

Each day, I walk to the SAGE Center, where I'm welcomed into a safe and caring community. Here, I continue to live life as Barbara Abrams, surrounded by a chosen family. This sense of belonging and the opportunities provided by SAGE are invaluable, underscoring the importance of such spaces for LGBTQ+ elders.