Embracing Authenticity: A College Athlete’s Journey to Self-Acceptance

This story first appeared in 2021 and has been shared as part our Pride Pioneer series, highlighting tales full bravery and authenticity.

My journey: embracing authenticity and self-acceptance

"Why'd you wait so long?" "When did you first know you were gay?"

These were just some genuine questions my college volleyball teammates at St. Francis University asked when I came out. For once, I was ready with honest answers. I'd stayed silent so long because I was afraid I wouldn't fit in, especially in a place where locker room talk often took a homophobic turn. But, truth be told, my biggest hurdle was coming terms with myself, a struggle that left me drained most days.

Tackling student-athlete challenges

Being a student-athlete throws you in deep, with demanding academics, grueling training, and trying maintain some semblance a social life. It was even tougher me because I was using so much energy hiding who really was.

In high school, hearing words like "that sucks" or "that's gay" from friends and teammates pushed me further from my true self. Even when these comments weren't meant harm, they cut deep, making it nearly impossible say what I needed most. I threw myself academics and earned spot on a Division I volleyball team, but playing this role was exhausting.

Discovering hope and inspiration

When I started college, I hoped things might change, but I found myself in another locker room culture that kept me in hiding. Then, I stumbled upon show "Glee." Watching relationship between Kurt and Blaine was like a lifeline, showing me there was absolutely nothing wrong with who I was. It was a turning point in accepting my true self.

A new year, a bold resolution

On New Year's Eve during my junior year, I made a commitment: I would finally tell my parents—the two rock-solid pillars in my life—about my true self. It was one scariest things I'd ever faced. But alone with my dad, found words: “I am gay.”

And immediately, felt an immense weight lift off my shoulders. My dad was incredibly understanding, and later, my mom reassured me, saying her love was unconditional. It was a life-defining moment in my coming out journey.

Coming out my team

Back at school, knew had tell my team. First, confided in roommate and close friend on women volleyball team. The support lifted my spirits, though was still nervous about telling everyone else.

During preseason, a teammate overheard my plans, and though I panicked, I saw it as chance be completely open. Told him everything, and soon word spread among our senior class. Instead judgment, was met with respect and genuine curiosity, solidifying our bonds.

Living openly at last

As more teammates found out, support just kept coming. I was finally free, no longer weighed down by secret. For my final semester, I was living openly and authentically as a gay man and athlete. I forged true connections with teammates and friends, knowing I could face future unafraid.

Stepping confidently a new career

After graduation, I took a leap and accepted a volunteer assistant role with University Pittsburgh women volleyball team. I was nervous about being out in professional setting, but soon realized that being true myself actually strengthened my relationships with colleagues and players. The inclusive environment at Pittsburgh reaffirmed that being open was absolutely right path.

Advice from my heart

If could give younger self advice, it'd be embrace who you are without worrying about what others think. Your happiness and story are uniquely yours, and self-acceptance really what matters.

Looking back, I sometimes wish I'd come out sooner, but I believe my journey happened this particular reason. Maybe story can offer a little hope someone else grappling with something similar. We all deserve happiness and freedom live authentically.

Shaughn McDonald currently assistant coach women volleyball at Arizona State University. He passionately believes in helping others embrace their true identities.