Celebrating the Freedom and Empowerment of Top Surgery

When Nikki Hiltz shared their story about undergoing top surgery on social media, it was more than just another update in the digital swirl of information. For me, as a fellow trans athlete, it was a beacon of recognition and inspiration. Nikki, a world-class middle-distance runner, had just come off competing in the Olympic Games, and their words resonated deeply with my own experiences.

Nikki expressed profound happiness with their body post-surgery, noting changes not only physically but emotionally. "Since September [2024], I’ve been so happy in my body," Nikki shared. "I’ve noticed a change in my smile and posture too — I find myself holding my head just a little bit higher." This sentiment struck a chord with me.

For me, participating in my first equestrian event after top surgery was transformative. As I melded with my horse's rhythm, my shoulders felt lighter, my chest embraced the air freely, and with each stride, I shed an invisible burden I hadn’t fully acknowledged before. It wasn’t just about the competition; it was about a newfound sense of belonging. Entering the arena, I finally felt present as my authentic self.

What Nikki’s journey highlighted for me—what I have experienced as well—is the joy rooted in simplicity: the act of moving without concealment. This joy permeates the mundane, turning ordinary moments like buttoning a shirt or lacing up shoes into extraordinary declarations of self-ownership.

The Game Changer: Embracing Your True Self

Top surgery is often misinterpreted as merely physical. However, as Nikki and I have discovered, it symbolizes far more. It’s about seeing yourself in photographs, recognizing the face smiling back. It’s about taking deeper breaths, unencumbered by physical constraints. It’s about walking into rooms or approaching start lines with a silent assertion that declares: I belong.

This journey transforms hesitation into possibility. Pre-surgery, I carried doubts into beloved activities, fearing judgment or betrayal by my own body during pivotal moments. Post-surgery, these fears gradually dissolved, replaced by daring possibilities: Could I run longer distances? Could I boldly occupy the space my body needs? Could I speak without minimizing myself?

Connection is another profound aspect. When athletes like Nikki openly share their journeys, they build bridges across diverse disciplines and distances. I may never match their running times, but their words echo my experiences. This recognition can be lifesaving, especially for someone younger and uncertain of their future. Stories like ours affirm that such futures are within reach and already unfolding.

I must emphasize that surgery isn’t essential for every trans person’s validity. Like Nikki, I share not for validation but to remind others that joy is attainable—there’s more to our narratives than pain or politics.

Defying Limits and Embracing Joy

While societal forces may try to suppress our narratives, passing laws that challenge our existence, or commentators questioning our place, they cannot erase the profound moment of liberation—feeling the earth beneath your feet and the breeze against your skin, knowing your body is truly yours. This moment of joy is beyond legislation.

Nikki concluded their message with a rallying cry: "No matter what they do to our community, I’m going to keep on showing up and keep on shining and I hope you join me in doing the same." This resonates with my own expression through marathons—a declaration of presence, a celebration of my body and spirit.

Running, much like life, thrives in the unglamorous grind—the blisters, sore muscles, long hours. Here, persistence births joy. It’s about continuously showing up and defying challenges.

Visibility transcends being acknowledged by others; it’s about seeing yourself clearly. Every race photo where I recognize myself, every training reflection that doesn’t make me flinch, offers quiet affirmation: this is me. Such recognition surpasses any medal, an enduring victory that extends beyond finish lines.

Nikki’s post made me feel seen and less isolated—a reminder that despite backlash, trans athletes will persist. We progress, shine, and defend our joy. Every step and breath in our bodies proves we are here.

Jay Robinson resides in Los Angeles, working in a nurturing capacity at a local animal society. A trans athlete, Jay completed his inaugural marathon in March at the Los Angeles Marathon—previously a collegiate equestrian competitor. He encourages connection and dialogue at [email protected].

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