Brown University's Associate Athletic Director Shares His Journey to Acceptance

A year ago, I found myself in a difficult conversation with my supervisor. There were concerns from athletes about my seemingly distant demeanor and a perceived lack of care. What they didn't know was the turmoil I was experiencing beneath the surface.

Just a week before, my grandmother had passed away, and I was still processing her loss. Our office was short-staffed, and I felt I had to keep pushing forward. However, the tears that filled my eyes during that meeting were more than just a reaction to the feedback; they were a reflection of a deeper struggle.

Discovering a Passion for Sports

Sports have always been my refuge, starting from a challenging childhood where I found mentors and coaches who believed in me. An injury during my high school football career redirected my path towards sports medicine. With a degree in hand, I began my career as an athletic trainer, eventually rising to the role of Associate Athletic Director at three Division I universities, including Brown University.

Throughout my career, I have been driven by a desire to provide the same care and support to athletes that I received in my formative years. However, a significant part of my life remained hidden, affecting my ability to connect with others fully.

The Turning Point

The isolation during the pandemic and reaching the age of 40 were pivotal moments for me. I stumbled upon the show "Coming Out Colton," which resonated deeply with my own experiences. Colton Underwood's journey as a former football player who publicly came out as gay struck a chord within me, prompting a reevaluation of my own life.

Growing up in a Catholic household during the late 1980s and 1990s, amidst the backdrop of the AIDS epidemic and pervasive homophobia, was challenging. I encountered derogatory language and attitudes even within the sports community, which compounded my confusion about my identity.

I attempted to suppress these feelings through unhealthy habits, leading to significant weight gain and a diagnosis of major depressive disorder.

Embracing My True Self

Turning 40 and seeing Colton's story motivated me to confront the truth. I had been pretending to be someone I wasn't, even convincing myself that I was bisexual to fit societal expectations of marriage and family.

Late one night, I took a brave step by coming out to my father, who responded with unconditional support. Over the next two years, I confided in my sister and a close friend, but fears of judgment kept me from sharing my truth more widely.

Moving to Providence for my role at Brown was part of my plan to live authentically, but irrational fears continued to hold me back. I sought therapy to address the emotional toll this secrecy was taking on my compassion and empathy.

Finding Support and Advocacy

In the past year, I have gradually come out to more people, including my immediate family, colleagues, and former athletes. Their support has been a beacon of encouragement. The decision to rename a naval ship in honor of Harvey Milk further inspired me to embrace my identity publicly.

By sharing my journey, I aim to be a voice for change in the sports community. The use of derogatory language and exclusion based on sexual orientation has no place in our locker rooms or on our fields. Words matter deeply, regardless of intent.

For anyone who might be silently struggling as I once did, I hope my story offers reassurance that you can be true to yourself and still thrive in the world of sports. Hiding your truth only brings personal harm.

Matthew Whalen is the Associate Athletic Director, Sports Medicine, at Brown University, currently pursuing an additional Master’s in Legal Studies focusing on Sports Law and Contract Management. His career includes roles at prestigious institutions like Harvard, Tufts, and Boston College. He welcomes conversation and can be reached at [email protected].

If you're part of the LGBTQ community in sports and wish to share your story, reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe to our newsletter for inspiring stories and updates from the community.