Rutger published: Creating Our Chosen Family: A Journey of Love and Adoption

Building our dream family: a journey through love and adoption From an early age, I always imagined having a family grounded in love, with bonds that went deeper than blood. My husband, Christopher, and I have spent countless evenings dreaming about welcoming a child who would always know they're cherished and safe in our home. Built on love and healing journeys that led us there, this shared dream was born long before we even met. Christopher and I have our own childhood stories—different, yet united by a common theme: resilience and growth through adversity.

Reflecting on childhood: shaping our dream's foundation Growing up, I saw my mother tackle life as a single parent with unwavering determination. My parents, divorced and later both remarried, were loving but distant in their own ways. My father's visits were rare and guidance sparse, while my mom's second husband brought more chaos than stability. Yet, through it all, my mother's steadfast dedication left a lasting imprint on my heart. Christopher, on his part, faced abandonment at a young age. Fortunately, his paternal aunt stepped in, providing him with love and stability, shaping him into someone I fell deeply in love with. Our similar pasts, filled with loss and longing, have guided our desire to create a family rooted in unconditional love—the kind we yearned for as kids.

A shared vision: embracing adoption and older children Our histories led us toward a pivotal choice in our marriage: adopting an older child. We know firsthand how important a nurturing environment can be, especially for those who've been overlooked. This significant decision came together under twinkling café lights one crisp autumn evening. Over espresso, we talked about our future and pledged to adopt older children, making our shared vision a reality.

Breaking cycles: our promise of love and acceptance For us, adopting isn't just about growing our family; it's about breaking cycles and building a home filled with love. It's a commitment to provide love and acceptance, especially to children who've been marginalized or told they don't matter. We hope to adopt a teen between 12 and 18, as older kids in foster care face huge barriers to finding families. In 2021, only a tiny percentage of kids adopted were nine or older, despite many kids waiting being eight or above. These stats are worrying, with many aging out of foster care without a family, often encountering challenges like unemployment and homelessness.

Addressing challenges: our perspective as Black queer men As Black queer men, we feel deeply connected to issues Black children face in foster care. These kids are overrepresented and frequently shuffled between homes. Our journey's also shaped by our identity as a same-sex couple. Research shows kids raised by LGBTQ+ parents thrive owing to openness and support these families often provide.

Our commitment: creating a loving and accepting home As part of LGBTQ+ communities, we know the power of chosen families and crafting safe spaces for identities to blossom. We're committed to fostering a home filled with acceptance and belonging, where a child feels valued and supported. For us, adopting means being there when a child needs us most. While we're still preparing emotionally and financially, we're committed to this journey, creating a family that heals not only us but provides a child with an opportunity to thrive. If you're thinking about adoption, remember there are thousands of older children waiting for families. Every child deserves love, visibility, and a chance to flourish. Together, we aim to be that new beginning for a young person needing it most. Join our newsletter to stay updated with stories mattering to LGBTQ+ communities.

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