A Letter to President Trump About My Transgender Daughter

The following is a letter I wrote to President Trump in response to his remarks concerning gender shortly after he assumed office. I sought a platform with a broad audience to convey this message, as the lives of my daughter and many others hinge on it.

Dear Mr. President,

Words from our leaders can sometimes profoundly impact a parent's world. Your recent statements did just that, leaving me with a deep and unsettling fear that only a parent can comprehend when their child's future and existence feel threatened. This isn’t merely a fleeting panic but a persistent dread that shadows me daily. As I pen this letter, my hands tremble, not from political motives, but from a mother's urgent plea to share a story you need to hear.

In 2006, I gave birth to a son. But by the time my child was seven months old, signs emerged that challenged our conventional understanding of gender. During a visit to the local toy store, my child consistently bypassed the boy toys, showing a clear preference for the girl toy aisle. By nine months, there was a refusal to wear boys’ clothing, opting instead for blankets or towels draped like dresses.

As my child’s language developed, so did a clearer expression of identity. At eighteen months, my child would twirl and dance, improvising skirts from available fabrics. Then, at two and a half, the unprompted declaration came: "I’m a girl."

One memory stands out as both beautiful and heart-wrenching. At three years old, on Halloween—a night of transformation—my daughter chose to be Snow White. This wasn’t merely about wearing a costume; it was an unveiling of her true self. Before that night, she was withdrawn and reserved. But as Snow White, she radiated joy, her smile wide as we trick-or-treated through our neighborhood. She was finally her whole, authentic self.

Tragically, this magical evening was marred by her father’s words: "Next year, it’ll be Batman or Superman, but no more of this girl stuff." These words struck a blow that fractured our family, eventually leading to divorce. Witnessing one parent reject what the other so clearly saw—our child’s true identity—was devastating.

Mr. President, my perspective on gender identity might surprise some. I believe in the fundamental concept of two genders: male and female. However, my daughter’s experience is distinct from broader gender discussions today. Her journey is not about fashion or social movements but about a profound misalignment between her brain and body—a medical condition causing immense suffering if unaddressed.

Her experience is fundamentally different from those who transition later in life. My daughter could never have lived as a male into adulthood; it was a matter of survival from her earliest consciousness. When identity is this deeply ingrained, there is no choice to wait or conform.

Every human fetus begins as female, with gender development influenced by a complex interplay of hormones and genes. Understanding that this intricate process might not always follow a perfect path should be straightforward. When considering the biological complexities, the possibility of variations in gender development in the brain is logical and scientific.

Mr. President, you suggest that transgender individuals threaten women’s spaces. Let me clarify—my daughter has never been a threat. From infancy, she has simply sought to live authentically. This isn’t about extremism; it’s about a child consistently knowing who she is. When you speak against transgender people, you miss the critical distinction between socially constructed gender roles and the biological reality of innate identity.

While undergoing fertility treatments, our specialist warned us about medications affecting fetal development. If medicine can influence sex development and even separate sperm by sex, how can anyone claim gender identity is purely binary?

If we accept that physical variations can occur during development, why is it hard to acknowledge that gender identity variations could also arise? This isn’t ideology; it’s human biology. Nature doesn’t always follow a perfect blueprint.

Mr. President, with respect, what qualifies you to dismiss my daughter’s existence? When you declare only two genders, you invalidate my daughter’s entire journey. You suggest that her being herself was a delusion.

The fear your words spark isn’t just about today; it’s about survival. Every headline about gender fills me with dread for my daughter’s future. How do I protect her in a world where her existence is denied?

My daughter is now 18, a charismatic young woman. Her journey shows what is possible with love and support. Yet, I fear for her in a world that denies her reality.

What you might not realize is that my daughter is only a degree removed from your circle. When you make such sweeping statements, you don’t know who you’re affecting. These issues touch all families, often unseen.

It took my ex-husband time to accept his transgender child, but he did. If he could make this journey, I have hope for others. Understanding can grow, and love can transcend prejudice.

This journey doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, but it does happen. While our path has been a struggle, there are no regrets. The only regret would have been denying my daughter her authentic self.

Understanding often comes from knowing and loving someone who is transgender. But right now, your words shape not only policy but public perception. They can either illuminate human complexity or deny families’ realities.

At the core, we are all humans striving to live authentically. How we treat those whose experiences we don’t fully understand measures our humanity. Beyond politics, we deserve respect and the right to exist as our true selves.

With hope for understanding,
Jessica

Jessica is a mother, professional organizer, and LGBTQIA youth advocate from Los Angeles.